Okay, I’ll put my hands up, I’m pretty hooked on playing squash. The first step with any addiction is acceptance, right?
I somehow don’t think I’m the only one though. Squash in its very nature is by far one of the most addictive sports I think there is. It’s 40 minutes of fast paced, competitive, adrenaline fuelled sports that’s hard to beat.
Not sure whether you’re addicted? Let me help. I’ve compiled a list of some of the signs to look out for. Does the list sound like you? Can you think of any more? Be sure to leave a comment below.
You plan your week around your squash matches
When you start playing squash, you used to plan your squash matches for when you’re free. Now though, the only time you’re free is when you’re not playing squash.
You couldn’t possibly afford to miss your regular Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday evening squash matches – the thought of it sends shivers down your spine.
You get the itch when you do have to miss a match
Certain situations dictate that you may indeed have to miss a squash match (the horror) – weddings, funerals, the birth of your children – you get the gist.
Sometimes, there’s no avoiding missing a match or two. You know you’re addicted when you get ‘the itch’ – where even when you’re away from the court, you sit there twisting your thumbs, thinking about your next match.
A prime example of someone who fell victim to the itch – Prince Phillip. Did you know decided to sneak in a cheeky game of squash while Queen Elizabeth was in labour? A heroic move that places him in the ‘God Tier’ of addicted squash players.
Bonus points if you’ve ever booked your hotel abroad based on the fact it has squash courts. Not even a relaxing holiday can tear you from your beloved sport.
You own a ‘cardrobe’
What’s a cardrobe? It’s a combination between a car and a wardrobe, of course. And that’s exactly what you own.
It’s highly probably that you’ll have a few pairs of socks somewhere in your car, along with a random pair of jeans or two, t-shirts and more. Why go through the effort of moving clothes from your car to your house when you could just leave them in there – you’ll probably need them at some point anyway!
Your significant other has begun to wonder whether you actually exist
At this point, you could just be a figure of their imagination. You spend so much time at the squash club, that they’ve genuinely begun to question their sanity and are now wondering whether they’ve been hallucinating the whole time.
Let them think it’s all an illusion, you’ll be able to spend more time at the squash club that way.
Your washing basket is a literal health hazard
Forget Coronavirus, the World Health Organisation should be more concerned with your washing basket. There’s a slim but entirely plausible chance it could soon become sentient and attack a small village, it’s that bad.
Keeping on top of your gym clothes is one of the lesser known challenges squash players face, but it’s certainly one that exists!
Your body has just become one big, constant ache
You’ve played so much, you’ve forgotten what it feels like to not ache. You begin to wonder what normal actually feels like. Does everyone’s body feel like this? Has your body just adapted to the constant strain from playing squash?
Hopefully at this point you’ll have actually realised the value of a good warm up and cool down before and after each match.
Your bank balance…your poor, poor bank balance
Have you ever taken the time to add up how much you spend on squash? A few games here, a few games there, membership fees, the odd coaching session, food and drinks after your league matches, rackets, balls, grips and strings. It all adds up pretty quickly without you even realising! Before you know it, you realise that squash is actually one of your biggest outgoings.
Still, it could be worse. Fancy joining the Bath and Racquets club in Mayfair? It’ll only set you back a cool £7,500 a year!
You find yourself talking about squash, even when you try not to
Your colleagues are talking about their weekends. The inevitable question comes your way… ‘So, what did you do this weekend?’…’Take a wild guess, guys’. They humour you momentarily, but you know they don’t really want to hear about the three cross court nicks you hit in the fourth game.
You do your best to avoid talking about playing squash, though some how, some way, it seems to make its way into your conversations.
You spend hours searching the internet trying to choose your next squash racket, strings and grips.
125g or 130g? Even or head light? 26lb or 27lb tension? 1.10mm or 1.20mm strings? These are a few of the questions you’ll have spent hours trying to figure out. To anyone else, it’s just a frame with some strings in it, but to you it’s so much more.
Bonus points for matching the colour of your grip to your racket.
Does this sound like you?
Let’s face it, there’s worse things to be addicted to than playing squash (Class A drugs, gambling and tennis are all prime examples). Can you think of any more ways to spot someone who’s addicted to squash? Be sure to leave a comment below!
While you’re here, be sure to read our other squash player articles:
The sixteen annoying habits of squash players
The nine different types of squash player, according to what’s in their bag