Sixteen irritating habits of squash players

Squash is an awesome game. If you’re reading this article, the chances are you love playing. However, the more you play, the more the little things your opponents do begin to frustrate you.

Last week, we published ‘The nine different types of squash player, according to what’s in their kit bag‘. The internet has spoken and plenty more suggestions of different players came flying through.

We’ve listed sixteen irritating habits that players bring to the squash court. Are you guilty for doing any of these? Can you think of any more? Let us know in the comments at the bottom of this article!

1. Hogging the ball during the warm-up

The unspoken rule of the warmup – hit the ball two or three times and then cross it to your opponent. 

If you’re British and play squash, you’re probably far too polite to point out to your opponent that they’re being overly liberal with their time on the ball.

You consistently hit the ball twice and pass it over, hoping they get the message. Five drives, three volleys and four drop shots later, they finally hit the ball back to you.

Added bonus: they hit the ball over to you, you miss-hit it, it goes straight back to them and they begin the twelve shot routine once more. Your internal rage intensifies.

2. The miss-hitter

You play a good shot, they stretch out and take a full swing for the ball. The unmistakeable sound of the ball hitting their frame sings through the court. You watch, helplessly as the ball spins violently towards the front corner nick. It rolls. You cry.

3. The lucky nicker

Much like the player above, this player has a habit of finding the nick, even when they didn’t really plan on it. The worst offender is the player who’s stuck in the back corner and only has the option to play a boast. Yet, some how, some way, their boast rips into the front nick. Completely unintentional and completely soul destroying.

4. The player who asks for everything

The 1980s called and they asked for their rulebook back. They could have all the space in the world and they’d still ask for a let, if not a stroke. They’re utterly shocked when a referee gives a no let because they should have played the ball.

5. The player who asks for nothing

On the total opposite end of the scale, this player has a total disregard for safety and no awareness of personal space. If you’re in the path of the player or the ball, you’d better brace for impact.

6. The player who doesn’t understand the stroke rule

They play the ball, it comes firing back towards them. You raise your racket to show you could hit the ball. You ask for a stroke and they suggest you just play a let. No. That’s not how this is going to work Sonny-Jim. You spent the next few minutes trying to explain why it was a stroke, they still don’t understand. You give in and play a let, but you’re not happy about it.

7. The player who argues with the referee

Attempts at arguing with referees are often futile. When a referee has made a decision, they won’t change their mind. If they do change their decision, they look weak and can lose control of a match. Accept the decision, bury your frustration and move on. You’ll probably play better in the following point if you can keep a cool head.

8. “Definitely only bounced once”

You play what you think is a winner. Your opponent scrambles to the ball. You’re convinced it bounced twice, they’re adamant it only bounced once. You argue for a minute and then violently agree to play a let. Neither player is happy with this outcome.

9. “Tough rally, better tie my shoes”

You win a 40 shot rally. The adrenaline kicks in. You ready yourself to serve for the next point – lo and behold, you turn around to see your opponent tying their shoes.

The laces were absolutely fine. You know it. They know it. It’s tactical shoelace warfare.

10. The excuse maker

The excuse maker likes to let you know that they only lost because of a twinge in their ankle, an ache in their thumb or the fact they ate a lasagne 20 minutes before playing. 

11. The commentator

The evolution of the excuse maker. The commentator will explain to you where they went wrong after every point. Little do they know that they’re explaining to you their weaknesses. You sympathise with them, then do exactly what they’ve inadvertently instructed you to do.

12. The unsolicited advisor

This is a tough one, as these are often older and more experienced players who just want what’s best for you. However, listening to a ten minute monologue on where you went wrong in your match from your opponent can be a little painful. Listening to more experienced players can work wonders for your game, though there’s probably a better time or place to give the advice.

13. The ‘leisure centre’ player

These players often have decent levels of fitness, but lack a basic understanding of how to play squash. Everything you’ve been coached suggests you should beat these players. However, their combination of unpredictable shots, questionable movement and near-impossible retrievals can make them a nightmare to play against.

14. The hot head

Squash is well known for bringing out the biggest bouts of anger from even the quietest of people. If you’ve never shown your anger on a squash court, you’re either a liar or a saint. It’s normal to be a little twitchy every now again. This player takes it to the next level though. Their squash rackets often find themselves in the firing line when things go downhill. These players are great for squash racket stores, silver linings!

15. The ball thief

You buy a brand new ball at the start of a game. You finish up your match and go your separate ways. Only when you get to your car do you realise your brand new ball has made its way to your opponent’s bag. They collect squash balls like the tooth fairy collects teeth.

Psst, if the ball thief has struck and need to buy some new squash balls, if you purchase them from Amazon using my Amazon Affiliate link, the price will be exactly the same as normal, and I’ll receive a small percentage of the sale as thanks. It’s not much, but it helps me to continue to run this website.

16. The squash gear evangelist

“You can’t use that racket, it’s awful. You need this one, it’s miles better.” – Pay little attention to these players. Find a racket that works well for you and stick with it. Sure, you can read reviews to get an idea of how a racket might play, but the best thing you can do is try out a racket for yourself to see whether you enjoy using it.

Update: Bonus player – the “old man” way of playing

I forgot about this one when writing the list, however it popped into my head and I couldn’t-not include it.

When players get a little older, their legs perhaps don’t work as well as they used to. To counter for this, they more often than not develop the ‘old man’ way of playing. A few crafty tricks later and you find yourself absolutely seething on the squash court. Prepare for some astute ‘tactical blocking’, they might back into you and ‘trap’ you as they play their shot. They’ll also ask for a tonne of lets when you know full well they’d never reach your shot.

Though their fitness and agility isn’t what it once was, they counter for this by developing high levels of skill. They’ll do their best to send you the wrong way constantly. This isn’t really an annoying trait, as it’s technically brilliant squash, however it’s definitely something that’s going to frustrate the life out of you.

Reader submitted frustrations

“The player with bad body odour” – Let’s cut to the chase. Squash is a sweaty sport. Sweat contains bacteria. Bacteria causes your gear to stink. Wash your gear. Preferably with something like this to kill the bacteria. There’s nothing worse than playing someone who you can’t stand to be within two metres of.
– Lee Brady, Squash Stories

“The wide swinger” – Nope, we’re not talking about an overweight person into extramarital activities. This person should come with a warning sign – step within 6 feet of their swing at your peril. The excessive swing rule goes out of the window against these players.
– Also Lee Brady

“I’ll kill you with kindness” – Probably one of the nicer traits to have on this list. These players are just so ridiculously polite, to the point where it’s off putting. They’ll play a great winner and then ask you if you were okay and offer to play a let. You almost feel guilty at the fact they’d even offer to play a let when they’ve just clearly ruined you with their shot.
– Simon Bunter, Squash Stories

“The no game player” – We all play squash for a bit of fun. Some players aren’t into the whole ‘fun’ thing though. Even when playing players considerably worse, they still bring their A-game. They’re more interested in decimating their opponent than giving them a game. Purposely ‘bagelling’ an opponent who’s a far weaker player than you isn’t really good form, and people will probably think you’re a bit of a dick.
– Wayne sparks, Squash World

Can you think of any more?

There’s twenty potential frustrations in the list above, but there’s surely plenty more to be found. Let us know in the comments below what your opponents do that really drives you up the wall (no pun intended!).

10 thoughts on “Sixteen irritating habits of squash players”

  1. The no-game player
    This is the player that is much better than you and just wants to beat you with you getting little or no points at all. To top it off, they don’t communicate with you, they don’t give any appreciation or encouragement for your efforts. They just want to smash you. Overall it’s just poor sportsmanship and totally destructive to your desire to play the game.

    Reply
  2. older drop shot players
    older players constantly playing dropshots and expecting you not to play drops. when you try to extend the game and not play drop and play a shot standing near the front of the court, they then ask for stroke. constantly deflecting to side walls to dodge.

    Reply
  3. Dirty player
    I’ve only experienced this once and he demolished me in our first game. I was playing in the COSSA finals and my opponent employed a number of dirty tactics
    – step on the back of my shoe or toes on his way to the ball (once is an accident, 3-4 time in the game it not)
    – push off of me to get moving towards the ball
    – block my path by sticking out his leg or elbow
    – exaggerate his swing so his racket would touch me
    – purposely not hit the ball when setup to hit in order to call a let
    – catch his foot on the back of my leg
    – run into me without any effort at avoidance
    Upon creaming me (11-2) the first game he patted me on the back and said he understood how it feels to be beaten by a better player. The ref called for 2 more refs to keep an better watch on what was happening and I beat him the 3 games but it was a horrible experience.

    Reply
  4. The lip trembler
    The kid’s probably about 12 or 13, maybe even younger, technically great and able to run all day, but crumbles under a bit of pressure. Hard to play against someone who’s blubbing!

    Reply
    • I’ve definitely played a few lip tremblers. Played a national top-5 under-13 just before the lockdown – technically he was brilliant, he looked on fire in the warmup, very accurate shots and endless energy. The second things started to go downhill for him though it was game over.

      I had to tell him afterwards that in a year or two I’ll struggle to take a point off him. Guess it’s a stage most juniors will go through. Did feel pretty evil taking the win against a child though haha.

      Reply
  5. One such kid I reduced to tears subsequently went pro and has so far got as high as 155 in the world, he’s still early 20s so time to improve on that. I did know at the time he’d do well but I wasn’t so gentlemanly enough as to tell him at the time!

    Reply
  6. The Sledger
    A nice enough guy off court but put him under some pressure in a match and the verbals start .. you’re going to lose this point, you’re forehand just isn’t working today, pressure’s getting to you mate. You’ve got to block these comments out but it’s not easy. And it’s no use trying to turn the tables and serve up some mind games of your own. It only encourages him!

    Reply
  7. The Slow Player

    Someone who walks back to their service bos inordinately slowly, takes a long time between points, bounces the ball 5-6 times before serving to slow down the game and infuriates his opponents (me), especially the younger players

    Reply
  8. Oh wow, this article is a real trip down memory lane! 😄 It’s like you’ve captured every type of squash player I’ve ever met – from the warm-up ball hogs to the old man with all the tricks. It’s all these little things that make squash such a fascinating and sometimes frustrating game. But hey, that’s why we love it, right?

    And speaking of love for the game, if any of you fellow squash addicts are thinking about giving your court a little TLC or maybe you’re dreaming of setting up your own personal squash haven, I stumbled upon this gem of a site: https://www.totalsquashcourt.com/. It’s all about squash court repair and installation. Seriously, whether you’re looking to spruce up an old court or starting from scratch, these guys seem to have all the answers. Might be worth a peek if you’re looking to elevate your squash game to a whole new level of awesome. Let’s keep those courts in top shape and our games even sharper! 🎾🛠️

    Reply

Leave a Comment